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Comedy in the Form of Jokes







Jokes Jokes

 

Title: The Man Who Wanted AIDS

Rating: Adult

A man goes to a brothel looking for love (or at least whatever $49.50 could pay for).

He goes in and approaches the front counter. When he arrives he is asked if he has any preferences. He says he does have a preference but that it probably isn't possible. The lady behind the counter says we hadn't had a request we couldn't fill yet (thinking the man wants a certain type of woman).

He says "I'd like to spend some time with a woman who has AIDS." The lady gasps and states "We don't allow any womans with diseases to work here. All the womans are checked regularly. You aren't a cop are you?"

He says "I'm not a cop but I would still like to be with a woman that has AIDS." The lady thinks about it and excuses herself for a moment. She goes back to where the womans are resting and explains the situation to the womans. They all look troubled but then one steps forward.

"I'll pretend I have AIDS so we can get this customer." After confirming her willingness the lady goes back to the desk and tells the man that she has found a woman who has AIDS but it will cost extra and that he can't tell anyone that he was allowed to be with the woman.

He agreed and so the lady escorted him to a private room and was left alone. He relaxed and had a drink and prepared himself. After a moment a woman entered the room. She told him that she had AIDS but she didn't want anyone to know. He agreed not to tell anyone and asked if they could get started. After about an hour the man and the woman finished up and put their clothes back on.

The woman began to cry looked away from the man. The man asked her what was wrong. 

She told him that she had lied so that the brothel wouldn't lose a customer and that she really didn't have AIDS. He comforted her for a moment and then walked to the door. He then opened the door and before he left he said "you do now".









Click here for a great place to find jokes and other funny stuff

Jokes Jokes Jokes

 

Here is a sample from the site:

joke

an angry truck driver and a blonde

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. While driving home from the dealer in her new car she cuts off a semi, almost driving it over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle in the dust and tells her that she can't move or he will kill her. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up the blondes leather seats. He turns around and sees that she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, gets out his baseball bat, and starts smashing her windows and denting the car. He looks over and sees that shes laughing. Hes really mad now, so he takes the knife and slashes the tires. He looks back again to see that the blonde is laughing so hard that shes about to fall over. He demands, "What is so freaking funny?!?!" She then takes a deep breath and says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

Jokes Jokes Jokes

 

The Hypnotist Who Should Work for Depends

A hypnotist arranged to do a show at a local senior citizens' home. He arrives and sets up the stage area as the audience slowly arrives....well it is a senior citizens' home.

After all the audience is settled the hypnotist says "in about 15 minutes I will have all of you hypnotized.

He then pulls out a pocket watch and starts to gently swing it like a pendulum. He tells the audience to concentrate on the watch. The audience slowly seems to be coming under his trance.

After some time the whole audience is under his trance as he continues to swing the watch.

He swings the watch with more vigour and suddenly rips away from the chain it was on.

The watch hits the floor and smashing into many pieces.

The hypnotist yells out "shit". They all do.

The mess takes hours to clean.



Funny meanings for words

Jokes Jokes Jokes Jokes

 

Here are some words and their not so correct meanings.

You may have seen some of these before but forget that. Just enjoy the comedy.

 

 

 

Log on...............Make the wood stove hotter

Log off..............Don't add no more wood

Monitor..............Keep an eye that wood stove

Download.............Getting the firewood off the truck

Floppy disk..........What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

Ram..................The thing that splits the firewood

Hard Drive...........Getting home in the winter

Prompt...............What the mail ain't in the winter

Window...............What to shut when it's cold outside

Screen...............What to shut in black fly season

Byte.................What the black flies do

Bit..................What the black flies did

Meg Byte.............What the BIG black flies do

Chip.................Muchies for TV

Micro Chip...........What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

Modem................What you did to the hay fields

Dot Matrix...........Old Dan Matrix's wife

Lap Top..............Where the kitty sleeps

Software.............The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds

Hardware.............The real stainless steel cutlery

Mouse................What east the grain in the barn

Main frame...........What holds the barn up

Enter................City talk for - "come on in, eh"

Web..................What a spider makes

Web site.............The barn or the attic

Cursor...............Someone who swears

Search Engine........What you do when the car dies

Screen Saver.........A repair kit for the torn window screen

Home Page............A map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the field

Jokes

 

Upgrade..............Steep hill

Server...............The person at the ABC what brings the food

Mail Server..........The guy at the ABC what brings the food

MSDOS................Some new disease they discovered

Sound Card...........One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it

User.................The neighbour who keeps borrowing stuff

Browser..............What they call you when your eye brows grow together

Network..............When you have to repair your fishing net

Internet.............Complicated fish net repair method

Netscape.............When a fish manoeuvres out of reach

Online...............When you get the laundry hung out on the washline

Off line.............When the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the ground

Benign...............What you be after you be eight

Artery...............The study of paintings

Bacteria.............Back door to the cafeteria

Barium...............What doctors do when patients die

Cesarean Section.....A neighborhood in Rome

Catscan..............Searching for Kitty

Cauterize............Made eye contact with her

Colic................A sheep dog

Coma.................A punctuation mark

D & C................Where Washington is

Dilate...............To live long

 

Jokes

 

Enema................To live long

Fester...............Quicker than someone else

Fibula...............A small lie

Genital..............Non-jewish person

G.I. Series..........World Series of military baseball

Hangnail.............What you hang your coat on

Impotent.............Distinguished, well-known

Labor Pain...........Getting hurt at work

Rectum...............Damn near killed him

Nitrates.............Cheaper than day rates

Node.................I knew it

Outpatient...........A person who has fainted

Pap smear............A fatherhood test

Post Operative.......A letter carrier

Terminal Illness.....Getting sick at the airport

Tumor................More than one

Urine................Opposite of you're out

Seizure..............Roman emperor

Varicose.............Near by/close by




 

 

 

 

 

Car Repair 

For the best car repair service 
go to Don's Auto Clinic at 

1950 Ellesmere Rd #21 
Scarborough ON, M1H 2V8 

Phone: 416-438-9575 

Make an appointment 
and don't worry about                     what kind of service
you'll get because it's the best.
I've been going there for at least 5 years.
(Zane Ladhani---owner of Zane's Mall of Comedy
www.zanesmall.com

Don't ask for a discount because you won't need one. 


Chinese Food 

Kim Kims Hakka Chinese

 Restaurant www.kimkim.ca 



Chinese Food is great and there are a lot of restaurants
but if you want to go to one of the best chinese food
restaurants in Toronto then go to Kim Kims at 

Kim Kim Hakka Chinese Restaurant 1188 Kennedy Road
Scarborough, ON M1P 2L1 416-757-8300
(Near Kennedy and Lawrence) 

I ususally have the Curry Chicken on Rice
but you'll be happy with whatever you order. 

If you can't handle spicy food tell them when you order. 

Don't ask for a discount because you won't need one. 

Real Estate Services 


One of Toronto's Best Real Estate teams is
the Wright Sisters.

They are the right choice 
whether you're buying or selling property. 


Lindsay & Melanie Wright Sales Representatives 

RE/MAX Hallmark Realty Ltd., 
Brokerage 2237 Queen Street East Toronto ON M4E 1G2 

Office: (416) 699-9292 
Toll Free: 1-866-921-9292 Fax: (416) 699-8576

Tell them Zane sent you.